if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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