You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
