The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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