After last night, I could never be a politician.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I feel like a drive thru vagina
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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