I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
