a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Randomize
