It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
