I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
