well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
