I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
