the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Bring me that man meat
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
