I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
