she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
