Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
