Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
