He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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