Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
