i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
