Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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