Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
