K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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