remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
