you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need moral support for this bender
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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