remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
