I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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