I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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