I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Randomize
