Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
