Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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