My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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