is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
