Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
