Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.