Texts From Last Night

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  (408): View more from California

  No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.

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  (408): No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles. http://tfl.nu/hp1m
  Replies (10) Good night (3529) Bad night (915)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."

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  (407): Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything." http://tfl.nu/1ue8
  Replies (35) Good night (17313) Bad night (926)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?

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  (509): my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right? http://tfl.nu/pq1k
  Replies (8) Good night (4116) Bad night (756)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.

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  (732): Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend. http://tfl.nu/3lzx
  Replies (20) Good night (1030) Bad night (4282)
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance

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  (386): The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance http://tfl.nu/iqmo
  Replies (17) Good night (5358) Bad night (1527)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.

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  (713): He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5. http://tfl.nu/fdnd
  Replies (8) Good night (2758) Bad night (756)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.

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  (678): Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody. http://tfl.nu/1fu4
  Replies (2) Good night (725) Bad night (2115)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.

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  (803): Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there. http://tfl.nu/xmpv
  Replies (9) Good night (7773) Bad night (958)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.

  (817): View more from Texas

  I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot

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  (270): The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys. (817): I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot http://tfl.nu/5unc
  Replies (2) Good night (1371) Bad night (670)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it

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  (630): I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it http://tfl.nu/s57c
  Replies (5) Good night (590) Bad night (1657)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another

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  (248): maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another http://tfl.nu/vil6
  Replies (6) Good night (850) Bad night (1023)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds

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  (201): Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds http://tfl.nu/y5n0
  Replies (15) Good night (554) Bad night (1879)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"

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  (651): We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you" http://tfl.nu/qvid
  Replies (7) Good night (643) Bad night (870)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.

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  (248): IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD. http://tfl.nu/67ij
  Replies (6) Good night (912) Bad night (386)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?

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  (601): When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema? http://tfl.nu/3tz6
  Replies (1) Good night (404) Bad night (145)

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