i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.