Texts From Last Night

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  (713): View more from Texas

  My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it

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  (713): My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it http://tfl.nu/zhky
  Replies (109) Good night (1108) Bad night (4789)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina

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  (717): ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina http://tfl.nu/5npd
  Replies (30) Good night (591) Bad night (8939)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.

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  (917): I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it. http://tfl.nu/n6vl
  Replies (8) Good night (4398) Bad night (929)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.

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  (281): Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up. http://tfl.nu/tbqv
  Replies (18) Good night (1275) Bad night (3831)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari

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  (973): If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari http://tfl.nu/13id
  Replies (22) Good night (1174) Bad night (2799)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.

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  (719): getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week. http://tfl.nu/rliz
  Replies (1) Good night (1922) Bad night (1192)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.

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  (850): I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever. http://tfl.nu/5f06
  Replies (4) Good night (874) Bad night (1832)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?

  (1-913): View more from Kansas

  I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.

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  (913): Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink? (1-913): I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith. http://tfl.nu/78li
  Replies (8) Good night (1438) Bad night (607)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.

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  (403): Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over. http://tfl.nu/puou
  Replies (9) Good night (2357) Bad night (655)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.

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  (306): We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them. http://tfl.nu/jpsq
  Replies (8) Good night (2113) Bad night (609)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)

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  (443): according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :) http://tfl.nu/n706
  Replies (3) Good night (934) Bad night (321)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast

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  (940): I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast http://tfl.nu/e3ki
  Replies (8) Good night (544) Bad night (797)
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  (646): View more from New York

  I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.

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  (646): I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone. http://tfl.nu/dft1
  Replies (8) Good night (430) Bad night (592)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style

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  (586): If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style http://tfl.nu/h4ek
  Replies (4) Good night (559) Bad night (281)
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  (956): View more from Texas

  If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.

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  (956): If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so. http://tfl.nu/rl8c
  Replies (1) Good night (167) Bad night (307)

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