Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
