Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
