either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
