I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
