this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
