Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize