no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
She even gives head with a lisp.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
