He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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