I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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