respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
