I think I won the penis lottery.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
