We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
