my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
