WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
