I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
