It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
