I can't breathe out the right side of my face
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
