Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
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he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
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I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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