I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
