life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
