this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
