She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
