Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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