this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
