I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
