I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
