When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
