glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
