You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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