Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
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