oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
