They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
