Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He shit in the fireplace
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
