from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
