how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
