and next time when you feel me up, do it right
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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