I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
pray to the hookup gods
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
