I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
