What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
