I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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