1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
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