you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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