Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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