I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
