her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
